Security in the Protocols – Kink of the Week

In its most simplistic definition, protocol is a code of conduct that must be followed.

Hubby and I don’t live a Dom/Sub lifestyle. However, from what I understand the social structure of our marriage is very similar. Some call me a collared wife, while others say I’m old fashioned; I call it security.

Believing firmly in the Orthodox Jewish history of my ancestors, I choose to hold onto many of their beliefs and traditions. Although I don’t do everything that your ‘suppose to do’, I live by many rules. At the core of them is a hierarchy within our marriage. My husband is at the top and my role in our marriage is to serve him and obey. His needs and desires come before anyone’s in the family. As odd as this may sound, I find security in the structure of our marriage.

What does it mean to be my husband’s servant? In all things, my husband’s needs and desires come before anything else. This may seem oppressive or archaic to some. However, I find it liberating. Knowing exactly where I fit into the family and what my role is, makes me feel comfortable. I know exactly what’s expected when from me and what’s not. Not oppressed at all, I find freedom in the protocols of our everyday lives.

In the bedroom everything is different. Hubby and I switch roles during our playtime. Unlike our daily lives, in the bedroom, I can be the one in charge if I desire. Yet, here too, there’s a set of protocols that we follow.

The expectations were never discussed nor agreed upon. Instead, it just developed. More than a ritual, our protocol allows us to explore each other and our own desires. 

Hubby is always the first to make it known when it’s a ‘date night’. Although I’ll flirt letting him know that I’m feeling ‘frisky’, ultimately the decision is his. Once Hubby gives the cue, I’m off to get everything ready. I jump in the shower, get our room ready and pick out the toys for the night. Allowed to step into the dominate role, it’s up to me what kinky pleasure we’ll indulge in that night.

Although the toys and tools that we use may be different each time we play, every ‘date night’ is the same. Not because we’re stuck in some type of rut or board with our sex life. Quite the contrary, our sex life is more exciting than it’s ever been. We just have protocols or a routine that we follow. No matter how much I desire to take charge right away and strap-on my dong, I wait. Hubby is the one to be dominate first. Even though I get to choose what kinky tools I want him to use, Hubby gets to choose how and when they are used. From the moment he walks into the room I know he’s in control. That is, until I receive the que.

When Hubby knells down before me and kisses my belly, the roles switch. I grab my strap-on dong take control. No longer his subservient, stepping into the dominate role is empowering. I’m in charge now and he has to do as I desire. After a bit of pegging fun, Hubby knows it’s time for him to please me. A bit of squirting or edging play and then it’s time to top the night with Hubby finally releasing built up pleasure.   

The actions may change, but the protocol is never broken. It’s never boring in the least little way. Every moment is spontaneous and completely satisfying. The protocol we follow is only the ground work in which we explore and rediscover each other. Instead of wondering if it’s ok to do something at a particular moment, we know when the time’s right.

With our sexual protocol we’ve created a structure that’s consistently observed. Instead of feeling stifled adhering to these rules, I feel liberated and secure. I’m controlled and completely dominated; yet, I find the freedom to step out and fully embrace my inner dominatrix. Within our protocol, I’m able to experience the best of both worlds and I love it.


To find out more about protocols and how they are applied in different relationships, stop by Kink Of The Week to read more.


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6 Responses to Security in the Protocols – Kink of the Week

  1. I’ve never been in a switch relationship, but I can see how protocols would definitely help to define and reinforce those roles, and when the “switch” happens.

    A very enlightening post!

  2. Your article, amongst others, has moved me towards talking with my Sir about bringing some protocols in place. We just haven’t decided what they most be yet..

  3. Like Jade said: a very enlightening post.

    Thanks so much for sharing how the dynamic is between you, in and out of the bedroom. I find it incredibly interesting that outside the bedroom you put all his needs first and that your religious upbringing is very important to you, but that in the bedroom the two of you are so very free to explore and enjoy in switching roles.

    I really enjoyed reading this post :)

    Rebel xox

  4. ~Mia~ says:

    This is just a fabulous post!! It has certainly given me some food for thought on the switching elements in my relationship and how things could be worked differently.

    Thank you so much for sharing!

    ~Mia~ xx

  5. AirenWolf says:

    HAH I hear you! I am constantly told I am an abused wife because I allow my husband to make the financial decisions in the house and choose what he wants for dinner. The thing is he gives me so much in return for these concessions that it’s a pleasure not a chore to allow him to be the man!
    If what you do works for you then you are blessed!

  6. Sammi says:

    This is a very interesting post! I like the distinction you make between life protocol and sexual protocol.

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